When you’re in a stadium with 47,000 screaming fans, hanging on every pitch, hit, and strikeout, it’s hard to think about anything else. And that, I learned this weekend, is the power of sports.
In case you missed it, the Seattle Mariners beat the Detroit Tigers in game 5 of the ALDS, in an epic 15-inning battle. I got to be there (thanks to my brother, the ultimate Ms fan and hype man, who got tickets), and it was exactly what I needed.
As I’m writing this, I’m currently waiting on some medical results from my oncology team. I’ll explain more another time if needed, but hopefully this is just a temporary terrifying time and I’ll get good news and not have to talk about it again (that’s what I’m manifesting).
Maybe some people are good at not thinking about impending results every second of the damn day when they’re waiting for them. But that’s not how my brain and body operate.
On Friday, there was a chance the results would come in. So all day, every time my phone buzzed, my entire nervous system freaked out, thinking that would be the moment I would know my future. Any time I thought about the potential outcome, I felt nauseous and dizzy, overwhelmed with anxiety.
But the day went on, and nothing came… Which meant nothing to stop me from going to the baseball game.
We went to a bar before the game, me still checking my phone every two minutes while everyone else casually enjoyed a beer. I was in a daze, not fully able to be in the moment and have fun, because I was so nervous about what’s to come.
Everyone else was nervous too - but for a very different reason.
“I’ve been anxious all day, my body has felt so tense,” said one friend, referring to their nerves around the winner-take-all baseball game. Must be nice, I thought.
Eventually, the clock on my phone told me it was 5pm. That meant I wasn’t going to hear anything that day. So I had to somehow convince my brain and body to chill out for the weekend, knowing I wouldn’t hear anything until Monday.
Luckily, I had sports to distract me. We walked into TMobile Park, and were immediately surrounded by 47,000 fans worth of excitement and cheers.
Over the next almost five hours (technically, 4 hours and 58 minutes), I can’t say I never thought about my impending results, but I had large chunks of time in which I was just. Focused. On. Baseball.
I think that’s what makes sports something that so many people love so much. It’s not life or death… But it sure feels like it. When your team is playing, and you’re watching live, nothing else matters in the world. We know, logically, that many things actually matter more (sorry, sports fans), but it doesn’t feel like it in the moment. And that is such a nice pretend world to live in for a few hours.
In the moment is the key there. When you’re watching your team live, you have no choice but to be in the moment. Ok, you do have a choice… You can be checking your phone, thinking about work or life, or, if you’re my mom, reading a book (true story - one time she brought a Harry Potter book to a Mariners’ game, and the guy next to us got so mad that he spoiled the ending). But ideally, you enter a sort of meditative state, where you’re absorbing every moment of the game and hanging on the edge of your seat. Every single one of your senses can be consumed by the game if you let it.
In real life, we have to reckon with the fact that we have no control over most things. I don’t have any control over when these results come in, or what they contain. But I can turn my hat inside out when it’s the 13th inning and tell myself it’s going to help the team rally. Some fans put one of their shoes on top of their head. The woman in front of me wore a witch hat, an homage to the Etsy Witch who lifted the Mariners’ curse back in September. At the same time, we know we really can’t control the outcome of the game - and maybe that’s good practice for dealing with the crap life throws at us outside of the stadium.
So on Friday night, for those 15 innings, I was in the game. I was more terrified that the Ms were going to lose and my brother would be angry and heartbroken than I was about whether or not I’m about to get a life-changing diagnosis (well, ok, not fully - I was still more terrified about the health stuff… but in many moments, my brain temporarily forgot about that).
While some fans who were there that night would say that was the most stressful almost 5 hours of their whole week, and that it took years off of their lives - to me, it was a break.
Thank you, sports. And GO MARINERS!!!
Beautiful, Cassidy. I am thrilled you were there with us, and I am grateful the game was a delightful distraction. Whether from personal health challenges or from the news of the day, baseball truly is a blessed escape. I love this quotation that fits here, too: “Baseball is the most important thing in life that doesn’t matter.”—Robert Parker