It’s been over a month since I posted anything here, and that’s because I haven’t had anything going on in my life or on my mind worth writing about.
Oops, that was a lie.
The truth? My brain has been overflowing. So many thoughts, lessons, questions, and realizations bouncing around that I haven’t known where to start.
You know when you know there’s something you could do that would help you, but you keep avoiding it anyway? That’s been me with writing lately.
I have dozens of voice notes and half-baked bullet points in my Notes app, each one a little breadcrumb from something I’ve been processing. But the list has felt like one giant buffet where I can’t decide what to put on my plate first.
Each one of those buffet options is what I now call AFGO - Another F*cking Growth Opportunity. (Thanks to my Dad for passing down the term he got from his former therapist)
And lately, my life has been full of FGOs. Too many, honestly. I’ve tried telling the universe I’m at capacity, but apparently it hasn’t gotten the message.
Right now, it feels like I’m flying at warp speed, with FGOs whizzing by in the opposite direction. I reach out to try to catch them, but I can only grab a small piece of each one. All I can hope is that the other pieces keep orbiting until I have room in my hands.
When I do catch a piece, I want to write about it - to pin it down, sort it out, and at least attempt to learn the damn lesson so I don’t have to repeat it. But writing means slowing down enough to focus on just one. Which is exactly what would help, if I could do it. My ADHD brain tries to convince me that I need to think about 10 different things right now, because they’re all important and needed to be solved yesterday.
That’s why I haven’t been writing. Picking one FGO felt like declaring it “the most important” and ignoring the rest.
Or maybe… it’s not that deep. Maybe it’s just about starting somewhere.
When you finally call a friend after months of silence, you don’t have to start with The Most Important Thing in Their Life™. You can just say, “Hey, how’s your dog?” and go from there. Writing can be like that. At least, I want it to be.
For me, writing is a conversation with myself - and with you, if you’re here (thanks, by the way). So I’m going to stop avoiding the conversation just because I don’t know the perfect first sentence.
Sometimes when a friend is going through a tough time, you can’t find the right words. So you can either say, “I don’t know what to say,” or say nothing. If I’ve learned anything in my time in the grief machine of life, it’s that it’s always better to say something.
This post is me telling myself, I don’t know what to say, but I want to say something.
It’s an acknowledgement that yes, I’m in an FGO storm, and I don’t have the power to end it. But I can’t catch ‘em all at once (they’re not Pokemon, unfortunately).
So maybe the next step is to just catch one and see where it takes me.
If you’re stuck in an FGO storm too, you’re definitely not alone. I wish I could catch some of yours for you, but clearly, my arms are full. So for now, we’ll just wave - well, waving would require a free hand… So instead, let’s just smile and laugh at the chaos from our separate spacecraft.
